Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category

 A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink.

“Why of course,” comes the reply.

The first man then asks: “Where are you from?” 

“I’m from Ireland,” replies the second man. 

The first man responds: “You don’t say, I’m from Ireland too! Let’s have another round to Ireland.”
“Of Course,” replies the second man. 

Curious, the first man then asks: “Where in Ireland are you from?”
“Dublin,” comes the reply.
“I can’t believe it,” says the first man.
“I’m from Dublin too! Let’s have another drink to Dublin.”
“Of course,” replies the second man. 

Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks:
“What school did you go to?”
“Saint Mary’s,” replies the second man.
“I graduated in ‘62.” 

“This is unbelievable!” the first man says.
“I went to Saint Mary’s and I graduated in ‘62, too!”

About that time in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar.
“What’s been going on?” he asks the bartender.
“Nothing much,” replies the bartender. “The O’Malley twins are drunk again.”

Q: Why do seals swim in salt water?
A: Because pepper water makes them sneeze!

Q: What did the seal say when it swam into a concrete wall?
A: “Dam!”

Q: What did the detective in the Arctic say to the suspect?
A: “Where were you on the night of September to March?”

Q: What noise wakes you up at the North Pole around March 18?
A: The crack of dawn!

Q: What’s an ig?
A: A snow house without a loo!

Q: What’s the difference between a walrus and a banana?
A: You’d better find out, because if you ever try to peel a walrus…

Q: What sits on the bottom of the cold Arctic Ocean and shakes?
A: A nervous wreck.

Hi there. Here’s an unusually direct something to smile about.

Twice a year, the folks at Epic Dental take up arms against the powerful forces of chocolate and sugar: Halloween and Valentine’s Day.

In preparation for battle, our heroes (hey, their name IS Epic …) are offering you some pretty sweet ammunition for that box of chocolates.

Just in time for Valentine’s Day, our friends at Epic Dental are launching sweetener packets.  They come 80 to a box. They rock.
Normally, they sell for only $8.99 a box. But through Valentines, you can try them for 30% off. Order as many boxes as you want for just $6.29 each.

Check ‘em out. You can just feel the sweetness.

Candy makers get all geeked up for Valentine’s Day. Where they see love and commerce, Epic Dental sees sugar and cavities.

And you - our Something To Smile About friend - get to some more Epic love, because we like you better than everybody else. Starting now, we’ll give you a FREE tube of Epic fluoride toothpaste with any order placed by February 14th. This stuff ain’t wimpy - it’s retails for six bucks a tube and is worth every penny (unless you like paying your dentist to fill cavities).

It’s a cavity-fighting cupidy gift from our friends at Epic.

Just enter the promo code: likesmebest when you checkout, and we’ll add a free tube of cavity-fighting, xylitol-powered goodness to your order.

Coupon codes, discounts, and a cavity-free day of love and sweetness.

What could be better? Ready to start shopping?

I wouldn’t ever set out to hurt anyone deliberately unless it was, you know, an important game.
   - Dick Butkus

Most football teams are temperamental. That’s 90% temper and 10% mental.
   - Doug Plank

I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first.
   - George Rogers

Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.
   - Joe Theismann

When I went to Catholic high school in Philadelphia, we just had one coach for football and basketball. He took all of us who turned out and had us run through a forest. The ones who ran into the trees were on the football team.
   - George Raveling

Sharks are as tough as those football fans who take their shirts off during games in Chicago in January, only more intelligent.
   - Dave Barry

Football is, after all, a wonderful way to get rid of your aggressions without going to jail for it.
   - Heywood Hale Braun

Football isn’t a contact sport, it’s a collision sport. Dancing is a contact sport.
   - Duffy Daugherty

I’d catch a punt naked, in the snow, in Buffalo, for a chance to play in the NFL.
   - Steve Henderson

Baseball players are smarter than football players. How often do you see a baseball team penalized for too many men on the field?
   - Jim Bouton

I’ve found that prayers work best when you have big players.
   - Knute Rockne

We can’t run. We can’t pass. We can’t stop the run. We can’t stop the pass. We can’t kick. Other than that, we’re just not a very good football team right now.
   - Bruce Coslet

I will no longer waste my time reliving the past, instead I will spend it worrying about the future.

I will do less laundry and use more deodorant.

I will try to figure out why I really need nine e-mail addresses.

I will stop sending e-mails to my spouse. I will make every effort to actually talk to them instead.

I will stop being such a clock-watcher.

I resolve to work with neglected children — my own.

I will stop sending e-mail, instant messages, facebook wall posts, and be on the phone at the same time with the same person.

I will spend less than one hour a day on the Internet. This, of course, will be hard to estimate since I’m not a clock watcher.

I will stop considering other people’s feelings when they so obviously don’t consider mine - if that unwashed fellow sits next to me again, I’ll tell him he stinks, and offer up my ‘more deodorant in 2010‘ initiative.

Upon further review of this list, I will be more imaginative.