Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category

Early one morning, a mother went in to wake up her son.

Mom: Wake up, son. It’s time to go to school.
Son: But why, Mom? I don’t want to go.

Mom: Give me two reasons why you don’t want to go.
Son: Well, the kids hate me for one, and the teachers hate me, too!

Mom: Oh, that’s no reason not to go to school. Come on now and get ready.
Son: Give me two reasons why I should go to school!

Mom: Well, for one, you’re 52 years old. And for another, you’re the Principal!

***

Teacher: Millie, give me a sentence starting with i.
Millie: I is …

Teacher: No, Millie. Always say, “I am.”
Millie: Okay. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.

***

When I was 28, I was teaching English to high school freshmen in a school where occasionally the faculty and staff were allowed to dress casually. One of those days I wore a sweatshirt and khakis. A student came in and her eyes widened, “Wow!” she exclaimed. “You should totally wear clothes like that every day. You look twenty, maybe even thirty years younger!”

***

“Jill,” a teacher reprimanded the teenager in the hall, “do you mind telling me whose class you’re cutting this time?”

“Like,” the young teen replied, “uh, see, okay, like it’s like I really don’t like think like that’s really important, y’know, like because I’m y’know, like I don’t get anything out of it.”

“It’s English class, isn’t it?” replied the teacher.
 

“This should be taken care of right away.”
(I’d planned a trip to Hawaii next month, but this is so easy and profitable that I want to fix it before it cures itself.)

“We have some good news and some bad news.”
(The good news is, I’m going to buy that new Jaguar. The bad news is, you’re going to pay for it.)

“I’d like to prescribe a new drug.”
(I’m writing a paper and would like to use you for a guinea pig.)

“If it doesn’t clear up in a week, give me a call.”
(I don’t know what it is. Maybe it will go away by itself.)

“This should fix you up.”
(The drug company slipped me some big bucks to prescribe this stuff.)

“I’d like to run some more tests.”
(I can’t figure out what’s wrong. Maybe the kid in the lab can solve this one.)
 

Authorities say the Mafia has a big presence on the social networking site, Facebook. It’s easy to spot a mobster’s profile–all the personal items say “None of your friggin business. The less you know the better.” except for their hobbies, which are “Doing favors for people” and “Controlling all the trash hauling in Worlds of Warcraft.”

—

I love Facebook. it’s the only place where I can talk to a wall and not look like an idiot

—

Forbes billionaire list is out and CEO and co-founder of Facebook, Mark Zuckerberg is the youngest billionaire on the list at age 25. Betcha his Mother doesn’t tell him he’s spending too much time on Facebook.

—

A North Carolina waitress was fired for complaining on Facebook about a small tip she received. A lesson to all servers who like to post online complaints: write them where they’ll never be seen — on MySpace.

—

British health experts are blaming rising cases of syphilis on social media sites like Facebook.
Clearly the Facebook apps are much more advanced in Britain.

—

Facebook users have been warned about a virus known as “Koobface,” which uses the network’s messaging system to infect computers. While the virus had little effect on most users, it did make friending people difficult for Skidmore freshman, Mike Koobface.

—

A hacker attack briefly shut down Twitter on Thursday. Millions of twitterers were forced to talk to each other the old fashioned way. Through Facebook.

While on vacation with my son and his family, I shared a room with my 4 year old granddaughter.

One morning when she awoke, she told me she had some nice dreams and proceeded to tell me about them.

I told her I wished that I was able to dream like she does.

She said, “But you can’t, grandma, because you snore too much.”

—————-

Preparing for a family vacation, my sister-in-law and her husband explained to their young children that they would be sitting in the car for a very long time. The kids were told they would not be arriving at their destination until after dark, and were warned not to keep saying, “Are we there yet?”

After a few minutes of peaceful driving, their five-year-old daughter perked up. “Is it dark yet?”

—————-

Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, creator of the fictional detective Sherlock Holmes, purportedly told of a time when he climbed into a taxi cab to begin a vacation in Paris. Before he could utter a word, the driver turned to him and asked, “Where can I take you, Mr. Doyle?”

Doyle was flabbergasted. He asked the driver if he had ever seen him before.

“No, sir,” the driver responded, “I have never seen you before.” Then he explained, “This morning’s paper had a story about you being on vacation in Marseilles. This is the taxi stand where people who return from Marseilles always come to. Your skin color tells me you have been on vacation. The ink-spot on your right index finger suggests to me that you are a writer. Your clothing is very English, and not French. Adding up all those pieces of information, I deduced that you are Sir Arthur Conan Doyle.”

“This is truly amazing!” the writer exclaimed. “You are a real-life counter-part to my fictional creation, Sherlock Holmes!”

“There is one other thing,” the driver said.

“What is that?”

“Your name is on the front of your suitcase.”
 

While on vacation with my son and his family, I shared a room with my 4 year old granddaughter.

One morning when she awoke, she told me she had some nice dreams and proceeded to tell me about them.

I told her I wished that I was able to dream like she does.

She said, “But you can’t, grandma, because you snore too much.”

—————-

Preparing for a family vacation, my sister-in-law and her husband explained to their young children that they would be sitting in the car for a very long time. The kids were told they would not be arriving at their destination until after dark, and were warned not to keep saying, “Are we there yet?”

After a few minutes of peaceful driving, their five-year-old daughter perked up. “Is it dark yet?”

—————-

Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, creator of the fictional detective Sherlock Holmes, purportedly told of a time when he climbed into a taxi cab to begin a vacation in Paris. Before he could utter a word, the driver turned to him and asked, “Where can I take you, Mr. Doyle?”

Doyle was flabbergasted. He asked the driver if he had ever seen him before.

“No, sir,” the driver responded, “I have never seen you before.” Then he explained, “This morning’s paper had a story about you being on vacation in Marseilles. This is the taxi stand where people who return from Marseilles always come to. Your skin color tells me you have been on vacation. The ink-spot on your right index finger suggests to me that you are a writer. Your clothing is very English, and not French. Adding up all those pieces of information, I deduced that you are Sir Arthur Conan Doyle.”

“This is truly amazing!” the writer exclaimed. “You are a real-life counter-part to my fictional creation, Sherlock Holmes!”

“There is one other thing,” the driver said.

“What is that?”

“Your name is on the front of your suitcase.”
 

While on vacation with my son and his family, I shared a room with my 4 year old granddaughter.

One morning when she awoke, she told me she had some nice dreams and proceeded to tell me about them.

I told her I wished that I was able to dream like she does.

She said, “But you can’t, grandma, because you snore too much.”

—————-

Preparing for a family vacation, my sister-in-law and her husband explained to their young children that they would be sitting in the car for a very long time. The kids were told they would not be arriving at their destination until after dark, and were warned not to keep saying, “Are we there yet?”

After a few minutes of peaceful driving, their five-year-old daughter perked up. “Is it dark yet?”

—————-

Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, creator of the fictional detective Sherlock Holmes, purportedly told of a time when he climbed into a taxi cab to begin a vacation in Paris. Before he could utter a word, the driver turned to him and asked, “Where can I take you, Mr. Doyle?”

Doyle was flabbergasted. He asked the driver if he had ever seen him before.

“No, sir,” the driver responded, “I have never seen you before.” Then he explained, “This morning’s paper had a story about you being on vacation in Marseilles. This is the taxi stand where people who return from Marseilles always come to. Your skin color tells me you have been on vacation. The ink-spot on your right index finger suggests to me that you are a writer. Your clothing is very English, and not French. Adding up all those pieces of information, I deduced that you are Sir Arthur Conan Doyle.”

“This is truly amazing!” the writer exclaimed. “You are a real-life counter-part to my fictional creation, Sherlock Holmes!”

“There is one other thing,” the driver said.

“What is that?”

“Your name is on the front of your suitcase.”
 

While on vacation with my son and his family, I shared a room with my 4 year old granddaughter.

One morning when she awoke, she told me she had some nice dreams and proceeded to tell me about them.

I told her I wished that I was able to dream like she does.

She said, “But you can’t, grandma, because you snore too much.”

—————-

Preparing for a family vacation, my sister-in-law and her husband explained to their young children that they would be sitting in the car for a very long time. The kids were told they would not be arriving at their destination until after dark, and were warned not to keep saying, “Are we there yet?”

After a few minutes of peaceful driving, their five-year-old daughter perked up. “Is it dark yet?”

—————-

Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, creator of the fictional detective Sherlock Holmes, purportedly told of a time when he climbed into a taxi cab to begin a vacation in Paris. Before he could utter a word, the driver turned to him and asked, “Where can I take you, Mr. Doyle?”

Doyle was flabbergasted. He asked the driver if he had ever seen him before.

“No, sir,” the driver responded, “I have never seen you before.” Then he explained, “This morning’s paper had a story about you being on vacation in Marseilles. This is the taxi stand where people who return from Marseilles always come to. Your skin color tells me you have been on vacation. The ink-spot on your right index finger suggests to me that you are a writer. Your clothing is very English, and not French. Adding up all those pieces of information, I deduced that you are Sir Arthur Conan Doyle.”

“This is truly amazing!” the writer exclaimed. “You are a real-life counter-part to my fictional creation, Sherlock Holmes!”

“There is one other thing,” the driver said.

“What is that?”

“Your name is on the front of your suitcase.”
 

While on vacation with my son and his family, I shared a room with my 4 year old granddaughter.

One morning when she awoke, she told me she had some nice dreams and proceeded to tell me about them.

I told her I wished that I was able to dream like she does.

She said, “But you can’t, grandma, because you snore too much.”

—————-

Preparing for a family vacation, my sister-in-law and her husband explained to their young children that they would be sitting in the car for a very long time. The kids were told they would not be arriving at their destination until after dark, and were warned not to keep saying, “Are we there yet?”

After a few minutes of peaceful driving, their five-year-old daughter perked up. “Is it dark yet?”

—————-

Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, creator of the fictional detective Sherlock Holmes, purportedly told of a time when he climbed into a taxi cab to begin a vacation in Paris. Before he could utter a word, the driver turned to him and asked, “Where can I take you, Mr. Doyle?”

Doyle was flabbergasted. He asked the driver if he had ever seen him before.

“No, sir,” the driver responded, “I have never seen you before.” Then he explained, “This morning’s paper had a story about you being on vacation in Marseilles. This is the taxi stand where people who return from Marseilles always come to. Your skin color tells me you have been on vacation. The ink-spot on your right index finger suggests to me that you are a writer. Your clothing is very English, and not French. Adding up all those pieces of information, I deduced that you are Sir Arthur Conan Doyle.”

“This is truly amazing!” the writer exclaimed. “You are a real-life counter-part to my fictional creation, Sherlock Holmes!”

“There is one other thing,” the driver said.

“What is that?”

“Your name is on the front of your suitcase.”
 

While on vacation with my son and his family, I shared a room with my 4 year old granddaughter.

One morning when she awoke, she told me she had some nice dreams and proceeded to tell me about them.

I told her I wished that I was able to dream like she does.

She said, “But you can’t, grandma, because you snore too much.”

—————-

Preparing for a family vacation, my sister-in-law and her husband explained to their young children that they would be sitting in the car for a very long time. The kids were told they would not be arriving at their destination until after dark, and were warned not to keep saying, “Are we there yet?”

After a few minutes of peaceful driving, their five-year-old daughter perked up. “Is it dark yet?”

—————-

Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, creator of the fictional detective Sherlock Holmes, purportedly told of a time when he climbed into a taxi cab to begin a vacation in Paris. Before he could utter a word, the driver turned to him and asked, “Where can I take you, Mr. Doyle?”

Doyle was flabbergasted. He asked the driver if he had ever seen him before.

“No, sir,” the driver responded, “I have never seen you before.” Then he explained, “This morning’s paper had a story about you being on vacation in Marseilles. This is the taxi stand where people who return from Marseilles always come to. Your skin color tells me you have been on vacation. The ink-spot on your right index finger suggests to me that you are a writer. Your clothing is very English, and not French. Adding up all those pieces of information, I deduced that you are Sir Arthur Conan Doyle.”

“This is truly amazing!” the writer exclaimed. “You are a real-life counter-part to my fictional creation, Sherlock Holmes!”

“There is one other thing,” the driver said.

“What is that?”

“Your name is on the front of your suitcase.”
 

While on vacation with my son and his family, I shared a room with my 4 year old granddaughter.

One morning when she awoke, she told me she had some nice dreams and proceeded to tell me about them.

I told her I wished that I was able to dream like she does.

She said, “But you can’t, grandma, because you snore too much.”

—————-

Preparing for a family vacation, my sister-in-law and her husband explained to their young children that they would be sitting in the car for a very long time. The kids were told they would not be arriving at their destination until after dark, and were warned not to keep saying, “Are we there yet?”

After a few minutes of peaceful driving, their five-year-old daughter perked up. “Is it dark yet?”

—————-

Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, creator of the fictional detective Sherlock Holmes, purportedly told of a time when he climbed into a taxi cab to begin a vacation in Paris. Before he could utter a word, the driver turned to him and asked, “Where can I take you, Mr. Doyle?”

Doyle was flabbergasted. He asked the driver if he had ever seen him before.

“No, sir,” the driver responded, “I have never seen you before.” Then he explained, “This morning’s paper had a story about you being on vacation in Marseilles. This is the taxi stand where people who return from Marseilles always come to. Your skin color tells me you have been on vacation. The ink-spot on your right index finger suggests to me that you are a writer. Your clothing is very English, and not French. Adding up all those pieces of information, I deduced that you are Sir Arthur Conan Doyle.”

“This is truly amazing!” the writer exclaimed. “You are a real-life counter-part to my fictional creation, Sherlock Holmes!”

“There is one other thing,” the driver said.

“What is that?”

“Your name is on the front of your suitcase.”
 

While on vacation with my son and his family, I shared a room with my 4 year old granddaughter.

One morning when she awoke, she told me she had some nice dreams and proceeded to tell me about them.

I told her I wished that I was able to dream like she does.

She said, “But you can’t, grandma, because you snore too much.”

—————-

Preparing for a family vacation, my sister-in-law and her husband explained to their young children that they would be sitting in the car for a very long time. The kids were told they would not be arriving at their destination until after dark, and were warned not to keep saying, “Are we there yet?”

After a few minutes of peaceful driving, their five-year-old daughter perked up. “Is it dark yet?”

—————-

Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, creator of the fictional detective Sherlock Holmes, purportedly told of a time when he climbed into a taxi cab to begin a vacation in Paris. Before he could utter a word, the driver turned to him and asked, “Where can I take you, Mr. Doyle?”

Doyle was flabbergasted. He asked the driver if he had ever seen him before.

“No, sir,” the driver responded, “I have never seen you before.” Then he explained, “This morning’s paper had a story about you being on vacation in Marseilles. This is the taxi stand where people who return from Marseilles always come to. Your skin color tells me you have been on vacation. The ink-spot on your right index finger suggests to me that you are a writer. Your clothing is very English, and not French. Adding up all those pieces of information, I deduced that you are Sir Arthur Conan Doyle.”

“This is truly amazing!” the writer exclaimed. “You are a real-life counter-part to my fictional creation, Sherlock Holmes!”

“There is one other thing,” the driver said.

“What is that?”

“Your name is on the front of your suitcase.”
 

While on vacation with my son and his family, I shared a room with my 4 year old granddaughter.

One morning when she awoke, she told me she had some nice dreams and proceeded to tell me about them.

I told her I wished that I was able to dream like she does.

She said, “But you can’t, grandma, because you snore too much.”

—————-

Preparing for a family vacation, my sister-in-law and her husband explained to their young children that they would be sitting in the car for a very long time. The kids were told they would not be arriving at their destination until after dark, and were warned not to keep saying, “Are we there yet?”

After a few minutes of peaceful driving, their five-year-old daughter perked up. “Is it dark yet?”

—————-

Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, creator of the fictional detective Sherlock Holmes, purportedly told of a time when he climbed into a taxi cab to begin a vacation in Paris. Before he could utter a word, the driver turned to him and asked, “Where can I take you, Mr. Doyle?”

Doyle was flabbergasted. He asked the driver if he had ever seen him before.

“No, sir,” the driver responded, “I have never seen you before.” Then he explained, “This morning’s paper had a story about you being on vacation in Marseilles. This is the taxi stand where people who return from Marseilles always come to. Your skin color tells me you have been on vacation. The ink-spot on your right index finger suggests to me that you are a writer. Your clothing is very English, and not French. Adding up all those pieces of information, I deduced that you are Sir Arthur Conan Doyle.”

“This is truly amazing!” the writer exclaimed. “You are a real-life counter-part to my fictional creation, Sherlock Holmes!”

“There is one other thing,” the driver said.

“What is that?”

“Your name is on the front of your suitcase.”
 

While on vacation with my son and his family, I shared a room with my 4 year old granddaughter.

One morning when she awoke, she told me she had some nice dreams and proceeded to tell me about them.

I told her I wished that I was able to dream like she does.

She said, “But you can’t, grandma, because you snore too much.”

—————-

Preparing for a family vacation, my sister-in-law and her husband explained to their young children that they would be sitting in the car for a very long time. The kids were told they would not be arriving at their destination until after dark, and were warned not to keep saying, “Are we there yet?”

After a few minutes of peaceful driving, their five-year-old daughter perked up. “Is it dark yet?”

—————-

Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, creator of the fictional detective Sherlock Holmes, purportedly told of a time when he climbed into a taxi cab to begin a vacation in Paris. Before he could utter a word, the driver turned to him and asked, “Where can I take you, Mr. Doyle?”

Doyle was flabbergasted. He asked the driver if he had ever seen him before.

“No, sir,” the driver responded, “I have never seen you before.” Then he explained, “This morning’s paper had a story about you being on vacation in Marseilles. This is the taxi stand where people who return from Marseilles always come to. Your skin color tells me you have been on vacation. The ink-spot on your right index finger suggests to me that you are a writer. Your clothing is very English, and not French. Adding up all those pieces of information, I deduced that you are Sir Arthur Conan Doyle.”

“This is truly amazing!” the writer exclaimed. “You are a real-life counter-part to my fictional creation, Sherlock Holmes!”

“There is one other thing,” the driver said.

“What is that?”

“Your name is on the front of your suitcase.”
 

While on vacation with my son and his family, I shared a room with my 4 year old granddaughter.

One morning when she awoke, she told me she had some nice dreams and proceeded to tell me about them.

I told her I wished that I was able to dream like she does.

She said, “But you can’t, grandma, because you snore too much.”

—————-

Preparing for a family vacation, my sister-in-law and her husband explained to their young children that they would be sitting in the car for a very long time. The kids were told they would not be arriving at their destination until after dark, and were warned not to keep saying, “Are we there yet?”

After a few minutes of peaceful driving, their five-year-old daughter perked up. “Is it dark yet?”

—————-

Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, creator of the fictional detective Sherlock Holmes, purportedly told of a time when he climbed into a taxi cab to begin a vacation in Paris. Before he could utter a word, the driver turned to him and asked, “Where can I take you, Mr. Doyle?”

Doyle was flabbergasted. He asked the driver if he had ever seen him before.

“No, sir,” the driver responded, “I have never seen you before.” Then he explained, “This morning’s paper had a story about you being on vacation in Marseilles. This is the taxi stand where people who return from Marseilles always come to. Your skin color tells me you have been on vacation. The ink-spot on your right index finger suggests to me that you are a writer. Your clothing is very English, and not French. Adding up all those pieces of information, I deduced that you are Sir Arthur Conan Doyle.”

“This is truly amazing!” the writer exclaimed. “You are a real-life counter-part to my fictional creation, Sherlock Holmes!”

“There is one other thing,” the driver said.

“What is that?”

“Your name is on the front of your suitcase.”
 

While on vacation with my son and his family, I shared a room with my 4 year old granddaughter.

One morning when she awoke, she told me she had some nice dreams and proceeded to tell me about them.

I told her I wished that I was able to dream like she does.

She said, “But you can’t, grandma, because you snore too much.”

—————-

Preparing for a family vacation, my sister-in-law and her husband explained to their young children that they would be sitting in the car for a very long time. The kids were told they would not be arriving at their destination until after dark, and were warned not to keep saying, “Are we there yet?”

After a few minutes of peaceful driving, their five-year-old daughter perked up. “Is it dark yet?”

—————-

Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, creator of the fictional detective Sherlock Holmes, purportedly told of a time when he climbed into a taxi cab to begin a vacation in Paris. Before he could utter a word, the driver turned to him and asked, “Where can I take you, Mr. Doyle?”

Doyle was flabbergasted. He asked the driver if he had ever seen him before.

“No, sir,” the driver responded, “I have never seen you before.” Then he explained, “This morning’s paper had a story about you being on vacation in Marseilles. This is the taxi stand where people who return from Marseilles always come to. Your skin color tells me you have been on vacation. The ink-spot on your right index finger suggests to me that you are a writer. Your clothing is very English, and not French. Adding up all those pieces of information, I deduced that you are Sir Arthur Conan Doyle.”

“This is truly amazing!” the writer exclaimed. “You are a real-life counter-part to my fictional creation, Sherlock Holmes!”

“There is one other thing,” the driver said.

“What is that?”

“Your name is on the front of your suitcase.”
 

While on vacation with my son and his family, I shared a room with my 4 year old granddaughter.

One morning when she awoke, she told me she had some nice dreams and proceeded to tell me about them.

I told her I wished that I was able to dream like she does.

She said, “But you can’t, grandma, because you snore too much.”

—————-

Preparing for a family vacation, my sister-in-law and her husband explained to their young children that they would be sitting in the car for a very long time. The kids were told they would not be arriving at their destination until after dark, and were warned not to keep saying, “Are we there yet?”

After a few minutes of peaceful driving, their five-year-old daughter perked up. “Is it dark yet?”

—————-

Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, creator of the fictional detective Sherlock Holmes, purportedly told of a time when he climbed into a taxi cab to begin a vacation in Paris. Before he could utter a word, the driver turned to him and asked, “Where can I take you, Mr. Doyle?”

Doyle was flabbergasted. He asked the driver if he had ever seen him before.

“No, sir,” the driver responded, “I have never seen you before.” Then he explained, “This morning’s paper had a story about you being on vacation in Marseilles. This is the taxi stand where people who return from Marseilles always come to. Your skin color tells me you have been on vacation. The ink-spot on your right index finger suggests to me that you are a writer. Your clothing is very English, and not French. Adding up all those pieces of information, I deduced that you are Sir Arthur Conan Doyle.”

“This is truly amazing!” the writer exclaimed. “You are a real-life counter-part to my fictional creation, Sherlock Holmes!”

“There is one other thing,” the driver said.

“What is that?”

“Your name is on the front of your suitcase.”
 

While on vacation with my son and his family, I shared a room with my 4 year old granddaughter.

One morning when she awoke, she told me she had some nice dreams and proceeded to tell me about them.

I told her I wished that I was able to dream like she does.

She said, “But you can’t, grandma, because you snore too much.”

—————-

Preparing for a family vacation, my sister-in-law and her husband explained to their young children that they would be sitting in the car for a very long time. The kids were told they would not be arriving at their destination until after dark, and were warned not to keep saying, “Are we there yet?”

After a few minutes of peaceful driving, their five-year-old daughter perked up. “Is it dark yet?”

—————-

Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, creator of the fictional detective Sherlock Holmes, purportedly told of a time when he climbed into a taxi cab to begin a vacation in Paris. Before he could utter a word, the driver turned to him and asked, “Where can I take you, Mr. Doyle?”

Doyle was flabbergasted. He asked the driver if he had ever seen him before.

“No, sir,” the driver responded, “I have never seen you before.” Then he explained, “This morning’s paper had a story about you being on vacation in Marseilles. This is the taxi stand where people who return from Marseilles always come to. Your skin color tells me you have been on vacation. The ink-spot on your right index finger suggests to me that you are a writer. Your clothing is very English, and not French. Adding up all those pieces of information, I deduced that you are Sir Arthur Conan Doyle.”

“This is truly amazing!” the writer exclaimed. “You are a real-life counter-part to my fictional creation, Sherlock Holmes!”

“There is one other thing,” the driver said.

“What is that?”

“Your name is on the front of your suitcase.”
 

While on vacation with my son and his family, I shared a room with my 4 year old granddaughter.

One morning when she awoke, she told me she had some nice dreams and proceeded to tell me about them.

I told her I wished that I was able to dream like she does.

She said, “But you can’t, grandma, because you snore too much.”

—————-

Preparing for a family vacation, my sister-in-law and her husband explained to their young children that they would be sitting in the car for a very long time. The kids were told they would not be arriving at their destination until after dark, and were warned not to keep saying, “Are we there yet?”

After a few minutes of peaceful driving, their five-year-old daughter perked up. “Is it dark yet?”

—————-

Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, creator of the fictional detective Sherlock Holmes, purportedly told of a time when he climbed into a taxi cab to begin a vacation in Paris. Before he could utter a word, the driver turned to him and asked, “Where can I take you, Mr. Doyle?”

Doyle was flabbergasted. He asked the driver if he had ever seen him before.

“No, sir,” the driver responded, “I have never seen you before.” Then he explained, “This morning’s paper had a story about you being on vacation in Marseilles. This is the taxi stand where people who return from Marseilles always come to. Your skin color tells me you have been on vacation. The ink-spot on your right index finger suggests to me that you are a writer. Your clothing is very English, and not French. Adding up all those pieces of information, I deduced that you are Sir Arthur Conan Doyle.”

“This is truly amazing!” the writer exclaimed. “You are a real-life counter-part to my fictional creation, Sherlock Holmes!”

“There is one other thing,” the driver said.

“What is that?”

“Your name is on the front of your suitcase.”
 

While on vacation with my son and his family, I shared a room with my 4 year old granddaughter.

One morning when she awoke, she told me she had some nice dreams and proceeded to tell me about them.

I told her I wished that I was able to dream like she does.

She said, “But you can’t, grandma, because you snore too much.”

—————-

Preparing for a family vacation, my sister-in-law and her husband explained to their young children that they would be sitting in the car for a very long time. The kids were told they would not be arriving at their destination until after dark, and were warned not to keep saying, “Are we there yet?”

After a few minutes of peaceful driving, their five-year-old daughter perked up. “Is it dark yet?”

—————-

Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, creator of the fictional detective Sherlock Holmes, purportedly told of a time when he climbed into a taxi cab to begin a vacation in Paris. Before he could utter a word, the driver turned to him and asked, “Where can I take you, Mr. Doyle?”

Doyle was flabbergasted. He asked the driver if he had ever seen him before.

“No, sir,” the driver responded, “I have never seen you before.” Then he explained, “This morning’s paper had a story about you being on vacation in Marseilles. This is the taxi stand where people who return from Marseilles always come to. Your skin color tells me you have been on vacation. The ink-spot on your right index finger suggests to me that you are a writer. Your clothing is very English, and not French. Adding up all those pieces of information, I deduced that you are Sir Arthur Conan Doyle.”

“This is truly amazing!” the writer exclaimed. “You are a real-life counter-part to my fictional creation, Sherlock Holmes!”

“There is one other thing,” the driver said.

“What is that?”

“Your name is on the front of your suitcase.”
 

While on vacation with my son and his family, I shared a room with my 4 year old granddaughter.

One morning when she awoke, she told me she had some nice dreams and proceeded to tell me about them.

I told her I wished that I was able to dream like she does.

She said, “But you can’t, grandma, because you snore too much.”

—————-

Preparing for a family vacation, my sister-in-law and her husband explained to their young children that they would be sitting in the car for a very long time. The kids were told they would not be arriving at their destination until after dark, and were warned not to keep saying, “Are we there yet?”

After a few minutes of peaceful driving, their five-year-old daughter perked up. “Is it dark yet?”

—————-

Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, creator of the fictional detective Sherlock Holmes, purportedly told of a time when he climbed into a taxi cab to begin a vacation in Paris. Before he could utter a word, the driver turned to him and asked, “Where can I take you, Mr. Doyle?”

Doyle was flabbergasted. He asked the driver if he had ever seen him before.

“No, sir,” the driver responded, “I have never seen you before.” Then he explained, “This morning’s paper had a story about you being on vacation in Marseilles. This is the taxi stand where people who return from Marseilles always come to. Your skin color tells me you have been on vacation. The ink-spot on your right index finger suggests to me that you are a writer. Your clothing is very English, and not French. Adding up all those pieces of information, I deduced that you are Sir Arthur Conan Doyle.”

“This is truly amazing!” the writer exclaimed. “You are a real-life counter-part to my fictional creation, Sherlock Holmes!”

“There is one other thing,” the driver said.

“What is that?”

“Your name is on the front of your suitcase.”
 

While on vacation with my son and his family, I shared a room with my 4 year old granddaughter.

One morning when she awoke, she told me she had some nice dreams and proceeded to tell me about them.

I told her I wished that I was able to dream like she does.

She said, “But you can’t, grandma, because you snore too much.”

—————-

Preparing for a family vacation, my sister-in-law and her husband explained to their young children that they would be sitting in the car for a very long time. The kids were told they would not be arriving at their destination until after dark, and were warned not to keep saying, “Are we there yet?”

After a few minutes of peaceful driving, their five-year-old daughter perked up. “Is it dark yet?”

—————-

Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, creator of the fictional detective Sherlock Holmes, purportedly told of a time when he climbed into a taxi cab to begin a vacation in Paris. Before he could utter a word, the driver turned to him and asked, “Where can I take you, Mr. Doyle?”

Doyle was flabbergasted. He asked the driver if he had ever seen him before.

“No, sir,” the driver responded, “I have never seen you before.” Then he explained, “This morning’s paper had a story about you being on vacation in Marseilles. This is the taxi stand where people who return from Marseilles always come to. Your skin color tells me you have been on vacation. The ink-spot on your right index finger suggests to me that you are a writer. Your clothing is very English, and not French. Adding up all those pieces of information, I deduced that you are Sir Arthur Conan Doyle.”

“This is truly amazing!” the writer exclaimed. “You are a real-life counter-part to my fictional creation, Sherlock Holmes!”

“There is one other thing,” the driver said.

“What is that?”

“Your name is on the front of your suitcase.”
 

1. Past Lives

On a family vacation one summer, we crossed Wyoming and noted several historical points of interest. The children were especially interested because they enjoyed the computer game “Oregon Trail,” which gives players a taste of the hardships the pioneers endured. We stopped at the famous South Pass to look at the wagon tracks still visible in the dirt. Squinting out over the desolate, wind-swept landscape, my daughter nodded and said grimly, “This is where my oxen always die.”
– Quin Gilbert

2. Wishful Thinking

My two-year-old cousin scared us one summer by disappearing during our lakeside vacation. More than a dozen relatives searched the forest and shoreline, and everyone was relieved when we found Matthew playing calmly in the woods.

“Listen to me, Matthew,” his mother said sharply. “From now on when you want to go someplace, you tell Mommy first, okay?”

Matthew thought about that for a moment and said, “Okay. Disney World.”
– Leah Hallenbeck

3. Sounding Off

I was with a friend in a café when a noisy car alarm interrupted our conversation. “What good are car alarms when no one pays any attention to them?” I wondered aloud.

“Some are quite effective,” my friend corrected me. “Last summer, my teenager spent a lot of time at the neighbors’. Whenever I wanted him home, I’d go out to our driveway and jostle his car.”
– Sheila Moore

4.Familiar Faces

Vacationing in Hawaii, two priests decide to wear casual clothes so they won’t be identified as clergy. They buy Hawaiian shirts and sandals, and soon hit the beach. They notice a gorgeous blonde in a tiny bikini. “Good afternoon, Fathers,” she says as she strolls by.

The men are stunned. How does she know they’re clergy? Later they buy even wilder attire: surfer shorts, tie-dyed T-shirts, and dark glasses. The next day, they return to the beach. The same fabulous blonde, now wearing a string bikini, passes by, nods politely at them, and says, “Good morning, Fathers.”

“Just a minute, young lady,” says one of the priests. “We are priests and proud of it, but how in the world did you know?”

“Don’t you recognize me? I’m Sister Kathryn from the convent.”
– Michael Rana

5. Something’s Fishy

While in the men’s room at a beach park in Florida, I noticed they had a plastic baby-changing table installed on the wall. Apparently, some sportsmen had co-opted this politically correct amenity for their own use. Above the table was a sign saying: “It is unlawful to clean fish on this table.”
– Cliff Revell

6. Young Man

Visiting his parents’ retirement village in Florida, my middle-aged friend, Tim, went for a swim in the community pool while his elderly father took a walk. Tim struck up a conversation with the only other person in the pool, a five-year-old boy. After a while, Tim’s father returned from his walk and called out, “I’m ready to leave.”

Tim then turned to his new friend and announced that he had to leave because his father was calling. Astonished, the wide-eyed little boy cried, “You’re a kid?”
– Janice Palko