Archive for April, 2009

A man was speeding down the highway, feeling secure in a gaggle of cars all traveling at the same speed. However, as they passed a speed trap, he got nailed with an infrared speed detector and was pulled over.
The officer handed him the citation, received his signature and was about to walk away when the man asked, “Officer, I know I was speeding, but I don’t think it’s fair. There were plenty of other cars around me going just as fast, so why did I get the ticket?”

“Ever go fishing?” the policeman suddenly asked the man. “Ummm, yeah… so,” the startled man replied.

The officer grinned and added, “Ever catch ALL the fish?”

A middle aged woman was driving through a school zone when a policeman pulled her over for speeding. As he was giving her the ticket, she said, “How come I always get a ticket and everyone else gets a warning? Is it my face?” “No, ma’am,” explained the officer, “it’s your foot.”

“What am I supposed to do with this?” grumbled a motorist as the policeman handed him a speeding ticket. “Keep it,” the cop said, “when you collect four of them you get a bicycle.”
 

Two women were talking. The first woman said, “I’m going to take my husband to Australia for our twentieth anniversary.” The second woman asked, “What are you going to do for your twenty-fifth anniversary, then?” The first woman said, “I’m going back to pick him up.”

For their anniversary, a couple went out for a romantic dinner. Their teenage daughters said they would fix a dessert and leave it waiting. When they got home, they saw that the dining room table was beautifully set with china, crystal and candles, and there was a note that read: “Your dessert is in the refrigerator. We are staying with friends, so go ahead and do something we wouldn’t do!” “I suppose,” the husband responded dryly, “we could clean the house.”

Driving home after working late the other day, I was stopped by a police officer for speeding. I explained that I was rushing home to be with my wife on our first anniversary, which was the truth. However, instead of being let off with a warning, the officer said, “Congratulations!” and then proceeded to write out the ticket. As he handed it to me, he said, “The first year is paper, right?”

Rick was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really angry. She told him “Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in less than 10 seconds, AND IT BETTER BE THERE!!”
The next morning Rick got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, and brought the box back in the house.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Rick has been missing since Friday. Please pray for him.