Archive for December, 2011

* Hey! Now there’s a gift!
*  Well, well, well…
*  Boy, if I had not recently shot up 4 sizes that would’ve fit.
*  This is perfect for wearing around the basement.
*  Gosh. I hope this never catches fire! It is fire season though. There are lots of unexplained fires.
*  If the dog buries it, I’ll be furious!
*  I love it – but I fear the jealousy it will inspire.
*  Sadly, tomorrow I enter the Federal Witness Protection Program.
*  To think I got this the year I vowed to give all my gifts to charity.
*  Wow, I can’t believe they still make these!
*  I’m going to put this in a safe place so I don’t lose it.
*  I can’t wait to see what this thing does!
*  Look at that. Just… look at that.
*  I really don’t deserve this!

“I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included.”
-Bernard Manning

“Nothing’s as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas.”
- Kin Hubbard

“There’s nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.”
-  Erma Bombeck
-
“I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph.”
- Shirley Temple

“Christmas carols always brought tears to my eyes. I also cry at weddings. I should have cried at a couple of my own.”
- Ethel Merman

“Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice.”
-Dave Barry

“Nothing says holidays like a cheese log.”
-Ellen DeGeneres

“That’s the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me.”
-Jerry Seinfeld

“Handmade presents are scary because they reveal that you have too much free time.”
-Doug Coupland

“What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.”
-Phyllis Diller