Archive for January, 2012

“Of course I do,” he answered as if he was offended, and left for the office.

At 10am, the doorbell rang and when the woman opened the door, she was handed a box of a dozen long stemmed red roses.

At 1pm., a foil-wrapped, two-pound box of her favorite chocolates was delivered. Later, a boutique delivered a designer dress.

The woman couldn’t wait for her husband to come home.

“First the flowers, then the chocolates and then the dress!” she exclaimed. “I’ve never had a more wonderful Groundhog Day in my life!

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Q: What is a groundhog’s favorite book?
A: “Holes”

Q: What side of the groundhog has the most hair?
A: On the outside

Q: What should you do if you find a groundhog sleeping in your bed?
A: Sleep somewhere else

Q: How do groundhogs smell?
A: With their noses

…The school sends you a note home letting you know that your son couldn’t participate in gym because he had two different shoes in his gym bag and neither of them were his.

…Your daughter has your cellphone in her book bag and you have a box of crayons.

…The amount of time it takes you to find a lost item is greater than the time you spend using it.

…You find a project on your kitchen counter that your child was supposed to complete before Thanksgiving, and it’s after Christmas.

…Your closets are filled with baby clothes and your children are adults.

…You spent money on books to help you get organized and now you can’t find them.

…You walk into the house, then realize you forgot to go to the babysitter to pick up your child.

…Your basement looks like a consignment store.

I will read the manual… just as soon as I can find it.

I will balance my checkbook. (on my nose).

I will start buying lottery tickets at a luckier store.

I will remember to brush teeth with bristly end of toothbrush.

I will always replace the gas nozzle before driving away from the pump.

I will try to drive (closer to) the speed limit.

I will keep an extra safe distance when driving behind police cars.

I will not wet the bed and blame it on my younger brother.

I will spend more money on stuff I don’t need.

I will never again take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

I will stop saying,” Ooh, that tickles” whenever the security guys frisk me at airports.

I will read fewer books, watch more TV, cut down on exercise, and gain 20 pounds.